I get asked often, “What is the worst part of being in the van?’
The question is hard to answer. Is it the lingering odors of meals, shoes, and bathroom breaks? The life that appears (frequently) in the compost toilet? Being trapped at the dealership for hours on end when your home breaks down? Is it the lack of personal space between you and the person you’re living with or the frequent breakage of random items?
All of that is tough, sure. But it’s not the worst part of living in the van.
The worst part about living in a van is being sick.
I came back from NECANN in Boston with a bug I picked up somewhere along the way. It took me down in the first part of the week and I’m still in recovery mode. I never broke a fever, but full body aches, chills, dizziness, a runny nose, and a nasty cough were enough to lay me up for a few days (I’ll spare you the gory details of my stomach turning over.)
When you feel truly terrible, living in a vehicle just doesn’t cut it. The lack of hot water on tap, the inability to shower in your home, and throwing up into a baggie in a bucket all dogpile into a situation that feels mentally and physically overwhelming. Having to shuffle foot your pajama-clad ass into a handicap stall in Planet Fitness takes away from the comfort of a hot shower – especially when there’s chewed gum in there. You want privacy and comfort and there is little of either to be found here in the van.
One of the things I miss most about living in my apartment is my kitchen. I have cooked nearly all my life, and one of my kitchen stapes is bone broth. There’s nothing I love more than getting a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and spending a Sunday filling my home with the rich scent of boiling stock. But here, I have neither the pots nor the storage space for bone broth. Nothing nourishes the soul or the body in quite the same way – especially not store-bought bone broth. I sipped tea and made do, but the shortcomings of this way of living were apparent this week.
In two days, I will celebrate a full year of living in the van – 365 days. After an intense and painful week, I’m not ashamed to admit the one thing I want more than anything is to be out of the van – so I’m taking a break.
My husband (who also caught the conference bug) and I called an audible and accelerated our journey north. 11 hours stand between me and my home and I am ready to be there. Rather than take our time heading back to NY, we’ll spend the month of April in the homes of the people who love and miss us as much as we miss them.
I spent years working towards getting into the van, and I don’t want to resent being here. I haven’t taken a break from van life since I was forced out last April when the van stayed in the shop for longer than expected – and it’s time for a break. Going home and staying with family will give me the distance I need to find my excitement for living on the road again, which is especially important as I have major road trip plans this summer.
This past year has been one of the most eventful of my life. Living in a van is life intensified and I find myself dreading more than I am excited for. Since I made the decision to go home, I am excited again.
