I’ve been in Taos for a few weeks now, adjusting. People have asked what I’ve explored and the truth is that I haven’t explored much. I’ve been buried in two feelings: what I can only describe as relief for a home with doors and walls, that is not on wheels and overwhelm at the state of my business.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t been enjoying myself. It is hard to describe exactly how it feels to be in a real home again and now that I am, I wonder how I ever lived in a vehicle. It is not an overwhelming, elating feeling, but a distinct shift in my center, something that said “Ah, yes. this.” I can be still here.
I’ve been getting to know my neighborhood, the way the sun tracks across the house, and the route to my grocery stores. I’ve been watching thunderstorms blow in over the mountains through my front window and the afternoon breeze ruffle the leaves of the apple tree in the backyard. I’ve been listening to the rain on the metal roof and the magpies in the pines. Learning how to navigate the dogs that roam, which ones approach, and which ones run.
It is different here than home, but so it is everywhere else I’ve been. At least here I can root down, become one with this small plot on the edge of town, close to the mountains. I’m eating apples off the tree, fighting with the worms, birds, and insects to get them first. Raking them into piles to decompose over the winter. Feeling the impending change of season in the cool morning air.
Here I can be unobserved. I can sit outside without the passage of strangers close to my front step. People do not check themselves in the mirrored windows of my home. I do not have to move daily to avoid being told to leave. I can leave my blinds up without strangers walking mere centimeters away.
All of this is a bigger relief to my nervous system than I possibly thought it could be. I enjoyed my time in a van, yes, but it also weighed on me. It is a harder way of living, without question. So much movement, so much planning, so much change.
Moving to a home in a new state is a change, but at least I don’t have to move my location every day. I can remain here for days on end if I so desire, completely unbothered.
I haven’t stayed in completely. I took a dip in a local hot spring down by the Rio Grande and wandered the shops in the Plaza. Grabbed a drink at a bar and tried the nearest spot for Chinese food. Found the table at the library where I am the most productive. But I am choosing to relish in my stillness and explore this new place slowly. Patiently.
